6 Tips for Writing a Book When Your Life Is Full to Bursting
I often dream of spending long weeks, writing in a cabin, stopping only for a leisurely afternoon walk, or to drink a glass of wine on the deck, looking out on a breathtaking mountain view. And just as often, that dream is rudely interrupted by my kid asking me to get him some milk, or an email from a colleague, or a calendar alert telling me I have a stand-up show or podcast to record or pottery class to attend or a friend to meet for drinks (what can I say, I’m a busy gal). The fantasy of the writer’s retreat is rarely the writer’s reality, and so most of us have to figure out how to fit a writing practice into our already busy lives.
(I Attended My First Writing Retreat. Here’s What I Learned.)
I wrote my memoir, Going to Maine: All the Ways to Fall on the Appalachian Trail, as a working mom with too many side hustles, and it’s forced me to learn a few things about how to get words on the page.
1. You Get What You Get
When he was three, my son came home from preschool parroting the phrase “you get what you get and you don’t throw a fit.” It’s a great one to throw out when your child doesn’t get a cup in the exact color they wanted, or get to play with the toy they had their heart set on; but it’s a pretty great philosophy for busy people who want to write, too.
I do my absolute best writing when I have full days to really dig into a narrative, to craft a scene, to let my brain be completely immersed in the writing experience. If you’re in the same boat as I am, where you feel like every moment of your time is already accounted for, you know that full days to do nothing but write might as well be diamonds for how rare and precious they are.
If I waited to write until I had eight uninterrupted hours, I would do as much writing as I have sparkling gemstones. So instead, I write during the time that I have. If I have 15 minutes in between work and dinner, I’ll write. If I manage to stay awake after my son goes to bed, I’ll use that hour to write.
Here’s the important part: You have to prioritize the writing. Claim it on your calendar, set a reminder, and then sit down and write.
2. Eliminate Unnecessary Distractions
When you have a full-time job and kids, it can feel like your whole life is a distraction (she writes while her 8-year-old demands she watch the new move he learned in karate class for the 85th time). There are always going to be some distractions you can’t, or don’t want to, ignore. But if you’re like me, and I’m guessing you are or you wouldn’t be reading this article, you’re pretty darn good at distracting yourself, too.
Full disclosure, over the last hour alone, I’ve tried to open my Instagram app 6 times. I know that because I downloaded another app called One Sec that makes me wait 20 seconds before opening social media and then tells me how many times I’ve distractedly attempted to do so in the last 24 hours. The numbers are, suffice to say, eye opening.
Now is the time to take an honest assessment of your own distractors. Mine is, undoubtedly, my phone. Maybe you’re that superhuman who “doesn’t do social media,” but I bet there is something that you turn to when you hit a lull or a tough spot in your writing—do your shelves suddenly need to be tidied up? Are there sports scores that MUST be checked? Are you constantly watching your email just in case your boss urgently needs you?
Your writing time is precious and you owe it to yourself to be real about what is stealing your focus. Then all you have to do is eliminate that distraction, easy peasy (she says as she picks up her phone a 7th time to see what’s new on the ‘Gram. Spoiler: NOTHING).
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3. Create a Whole Vibe
There is a coffee shop in my neighborhood that has great coffee, comfortable seating, a nice barista; and yet, I cannot get any writing done there. As the kids would say, “the vibes are off.”
Particularly when you are grabbing short bursts of time here and there to write, it can be helpful to find an environment that gets you into the writing mindset quickly. I’ve heard of writers who light a particular candle every time they write, so that their brain associates the scent of the candle with writing. Some writers only use a certain pen, or wear the same comfy cardigan.
Whatever it is for you, find something that you associate with a successful writing session and incorporate it into your everyday practice. Not only do I have a corner at home with a potted plant and cozy blanket where I get my best work done, but I’m lucky to have stumbled on a new coffee shop with immaculate vibes (shoutout to Guild + Journeyman in Decatur, Georgia).
4. Suffer in Silence
For many years I drove around the country doing stand-up comedy (still do, sometimes). Those drives were long and tedious and I filled them with audiobooks and podcasts and anything to pull my focus from the miles I still had to drive. But then I noticed that I always wrote my best jokes during those times when my podcast or playlist had ended and I hadn’t found something new to listen to; those times when I was just sitting in silence and had time to let my mind wander.
These days, silent drives and silent walks are part of my writing strategy. I spend commutes just thinking about the chapter I’m working on, school pick-up lines writing dialogue, and walks around the neighborhood crafting the stories I want to tell. If you ever see me out and about and I seem to be staring into the abyss for minutes at a time, just know, I’m writing.
5. Quiet Your Inner A-Hole
I wrote Going to Maine without knowing if it would ever get published. Sometimes, my inner critic would convince me that I wasn’t a “real” writer and so I shouldn’t be devoting my time and energy towards this pursuit.
To be clear, no one in my life was telling me that—my husband didn’t care that he had to do more than his fair share of school drop-offs, my friends weren’t telling me I was delusional for talking about writing my first book in my 40s—those were things I was telling myself. Once I decided to take myself seriously as a writer, once I finally quieted the voice telling me I was silly for thinking I could be an author, I was free to do some actual writing.
Check out Sally Chaffin Brooks’ Going to Maine here:
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6. Gift Yourself Chunks of Time
A screenwriter friend told me that he writes the first drafts of his movies in nondescript hotel rooms in boring towns. It allows him to be free from the distractions of everyday life, and he feels obligated to spend all of his time writing because he spent money on the room.
Every lesson above is what keeps me writing despite my already full life, but every once in a while, I take his advice and give myself a version of that writer’s dream. A few times a year, I get a cheap rental and spend a few days alone with nothing to do but write. The momentum of that writing carries me through times when I can only spare 10 minutes here and there. While this isn’t something that is feasible for everyone, I hope you can find your own version of a Motel 8 in Plainville.
I’m not giving up on living my “writer’s life” dream someday, but I had to let it go so that I could actually be a writer. Once you mourn the idea of the writer’s life you pictured having, you get to embrace the writer’s life you have—one full of parenting and work and well, life stuff. This stuff is what makes you the writer you are, someone with perspective and something interesting and relatable to write about. You’ve got karate moves to watch, who needs a cabin in the woods?!