22 Ways to Write a Micro-Memoir in 22 Years

I had no idea that I was going to write a memoir. I am an actor and have been for the past 40 years. I had been an actor (we used to say actress, but not anymore) for about 16 years when my first daughter was born in 1994.

(6 Types of Personal Essays for Writers to Try.)

I was acting and singing in the original Broadway company of The Who’s Tommy when I got pregnant at 38 and assumed that I would take about four months off and then return to my job, which would be waiting for me thanks to our union’s rules but that did not work out.

My daughter Lueza (sounds like ‘Louisa’) was brain-damaged during her birth, and plans changed.

Days were filled with neurology appointments and EEGs as they tested our daughter’s brain for abnormal electrical activity. There had been an insult to her brain, but nothing was definitive. One doctor pointed to the position of her hands and arms as she lay on the examining table and said, “Look, we call that the straphanger position. Like she’s hanging onto an overhead subway handle.” 

Another neurologist ordered an MRI, and she was sedated, wrapped in a white hospital blanket, and inserted into a giant machine similar to the one we had on stage for Tommy Walker, who had inexplicably become deaf, dumb, and blind in The Who’s famous rock opera.

My husband and I were grief-stricken and terrified.

Writing about my daughter and the days we were having was the only thing that made me feel as if I could handle the situation. Getting the words into the computer and out of my head gave me relief from what felt like the complete ruination of life. And then Lueza stopped having seizures and started smiling again. And a neurologist said that she had excellent social skills.

I had stopped writing in the journal, and on the suggestion of a writer friend, I started typing out short pieces about our life with Lueza and our younger daughter, Dora. I started writing about my marriage that was not going to work out. I wrote about the early terrors of Lueza’s birth, realizing that she had a brain injury that was permanent. I wrote about leaving New York City and moving to California when Lueza got a spot at a school for children with severe disabilities. I wrote about my unpleasant nervous system. This continued on and off for many years.

At some point, I realized that I might actually finish this manuscript, and I decided to call it a micro-memoir. I wanted to celebrate its brevity. Twenty-two years after starting these pages, I found a small independent publisher that published my book, She May Be Lying Down but She May Be Very Happy.

Here are my 22 tips for writing a micro-memoir over 22 years:

Be an actor for 40 years and sometimes write monologues for yourself.Survive the catastrophic birth of your first daughter.Become aware that your daughter’s birth involved significant brain damage to her Basal Ganglia.Go to bookstores and find books that explain what Basal Ganglia is.Visit five neurologists and find out that your baby has a condition called Infantile Spasms.Go to bookstores and read about Infantile Spasms.Avoid bookstores when you find out how dire that diagnosis can be.Move into a New York City hospital so that your husband can learn how to inject your baby with ACTH twice a day for one month to stop the seizures.Realize that the only thing that helps the fear and sadness is writing about it.Keep acting in Broadway musicals.Move to California so your daughter can attend a school for children with severe disabilities.Realize that your marriage will not work out.Meet a father at the special school for disabled children who is a writer and suggests that you write something about the children in their wheelchairs.Start writing nonfiction pieces about your life with children and a loving but failed marriage.Only write in the third person.Do a nonfiction writing workshop with Abigail Thomas, show some of your pages, and ask for advice.Start writing everything in the first person.Give up and stop writing for years at a time.Go on tour with Wicked the Musical for years at a time.Start writing again because you become jealous of other writers who get published.Do a nonfiction workshop with Meghan Daum.Send your manuscript to Kelson Books when Meghan Daum tells you she has suggested your book to them.

Check out Jody Gelb’s She May Be Lying Down, But She May Be Very Happy here:

Bookshop | Amazon | Kelson Books

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