How to Balance Humor With Anxiety and/or Grief In Poetry

If you would have told me two years ago that I’d be a published poet in 2024, I would have laughed in your face and then curled back into the daily despair I was living in at the time. But here we are, a few short weeks after the release of my debut poetry collection, Clumsy Beauty.

(How Poetry Saved My Life.)

My writing journey began during that very difficult period in my life; I was desperate to start a “healthy habit” because I knew how easy it would have been for me to fall into a slew of not-so-healthy ones. While a normal person would have made an appointment with a therapist, I decided to open an Instagram account where, through creative writing/poetry, I began to conduct my own deep dive into myself and the emotions I was clawing my way through.

As you can imagine, the near constant “ick” spewing out of me felt good to get out on to the page, but I knew it may have been overwhelming for a reader (just ask my husband).

Using big feelings in our work can often be an alluring and relatable component to a piece but it comes with challenges. Writing about darker feelings can be a little like painting with watercolors—before you know it, they’re everywhere.

So, in an effort to avoid getting stuck in the labyrinth of my own grief, anxiety, rage, etc., I learned to employ a few tricks to help me effectively illustrate my emotions without letting them turn into quicksand for the reader. I hope some of them will be helpful for you, too.

Emotions: Use Em While Ya Got Em

Pull the car over if you need to. There’s no substitute for a fresh feeling, because your body gets involved. I have described shaking, sweating, writhing, heaving while experiencing these things. Write it down while you are “in it.” 

Now here’s the trick—walk away! 

Put it down and come back later. I have found that my visceral, in the moment descriptions of emotions are priceless but then when I revisit them hours/days later, I can usually find a sliver of humor that wasn’t there before. Serve up that emotional cocktail and add a humorous garnish as a final touch.

Get to the Point

I am the rambler of all ramblers; never let me tell a story, because I’ll forget where I’m going five minutes in. This is why I chose to write short poetry; I needed to challenge myself to “get to the point already.” 

There can be something beautiful in bluntness, in lieu of heavy, descriptive language. On a rough day, I remember writing a long, thoughtful blog about the villain in my life at the time and midway through I stopped myself and wrote a poem called “I just hate you.” It was short and pointed and when I posted it, it got an enormous reaction. 

We all have those moments and sometimes it’s nice to hear/read something that isn’t sugar coated. There is so much value in the true thing that just “pops out.”

Sometimes the Obscure Details Are the Stars

I don’t know about you but I’m a noisy person. I “groan/ugh/oof/ack” my way through every day and that goes for bigger feelings, too. 

In the early morning before a family member’s funeral, I found myself really needing to write just to work out some nervous energy. At the time I think I was unconsciously making this low monotone humming sound, maybe it was comforting or maybe it was to try to steady my voice. 

Turns out, I didn’t end up writing about death, or the funeral, I ended up writing about the humming. The hum of life, the times when the melody is beautiful and clear and also the times when you can’t hear it at all. When you hum, it’s hard not to follow your own voice to a better place.

Talk to Yourself

Yes, like that person everyone avoids who’s busy muttering to themselves. You can have three thoughts at the same time, but that mouth of yours will only let you say one thing at a time, so talk it out! 

Speaking out loud can help tease out a “mind-knot” or a confusing thought. Verbalizing has this magic way of turning the gobbledy-gook in your mind into something much more digestible and conversational. I’ve learned that something relatable can sometimes get lost when my thought goes from mind to paper without being spoken first.

Look for Inspiration in Unexpected Places

These days it’s easy to get your soul crushed by watching the news or listening to political podcasts. There’s a time and a place for these kinds of media, which usually doesn’t coincide with creativity. And that’s obvious, but what if we took this a step farther? 

A little over a year ago I let myself go down a rabbit hole at the heels of pure curiosity. I went from listening to my “comfort novels” to listening to The Tibetan Book of The Dead because, why the hell not? 

I started down a list of content that was COMPLETELY out of the ordinary for me. I was learning, asking new questions, opening up my mind and it became absolutely imperative to my creative process. Let something new tickle your brain; you won’t regret it.

Don’t forget that being a human is hard. Give yourself patience, kindness, and coffee when you are in need. Your experience here on Earth is completely unique, there’s nothing else like it. It’s valid and important and worthy of sharing. Learning to balance light and dark and their accompanying emotions is a never-ending journey. I hope you found a method or two here that will not only help you work through some emotions but also add a little levity to them as well!

Check out J. K. Kennedy’s Clumsy Beauty here:

Bookshop | Amazon

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