Writing Groups 101: 5 Things to Know When Writing With Friends

Starting a writing group is a great way to keep the writing going, hold yourself accountable, and collect new ideas from fresh perspectives. I’ve been in a writing group since 2019, and my writing has evolved so much from their perspectives on the kind of writing I do. I’ve also learned a lot about what works for us as a writing group to stay successful and want to keep writing together. Here are five things you should know when writing with friends.

(Read, Then Write: Books To Study To Help Your Stories)

1. Only write with people you trust.

Sharing our writing, especially in the drafting process, is such a vulnerable thing to do. It’s important that the people we choose to share those early, messy pages with understand us and our vision for our stories. My writing group consists of myself and two of my oldest, best friends, and I know I could give them a grocery list-style first draft and they would understand what I was hoping to do with it. If you feel misunderstood from the start, consider whether or not sharing with your group remains in your best interest.

2. Know the difference between being constructive and cruel.

One of my stories I wrote in college was met with immense mockery from one particular student who just thought he was being funny and clever, but it was so mean that the professor stopped the critique, looked him square in the eye, and said, “This is not a place for cruelty.” People often misunderstand constructive feedback with cruel commentary, and at the end of the day, it’s important that our feedback motivates our group to keep writing.

3. Recognize—and celebrate—how everyone writes differently.

One of my writing group members writes romance, the other political satire, and I write contemporary fiction. I wouldn’t expect my feedback for the romance draft to work for the satire. Recognize that different genres have different needs, and your feedback might need to reflect that. Moreover, writing with people who write outside of your genre will invariably broaden the scope of your understanding of creative writing, which will effectively help you give better advice along the way.

4. Remember to take your own advice.

Counterpoint to the above: Don’t be afraid to implement good advice for a different genre onto your own writing! Romance novels have such great dialogue, and whenever I’m reading drafts for my romance-writing friend, I learn something new about how to make my characters talk and sound. Sometimes the advice we give is something our own stories need, but we’re too close to it to see it for ourselves. Drafts are naturally messy, so remember yours is a work in progress too, and what you’re suggesting to your writing group may also be something you need to hear.

5. If you consistently give advice that isn’t taken, move on from it.

For a while, I was giving the same advice to my political satire friend over and over again and she wasn’t taking it. This didn’t mean the advice was bad; I could feel that it just wasn’t the kind of writing she wanted to do. So, I pivoted the kind of advice I gave her based on where she hoped to go with the final product. Remember that we’re not telling our friends how we would write their stories, we’re trying to help them find ways to write their stories how they want to write them.

Forming a writing group was paramount to keeping my writing life rich and consistent, especially through the pandemic. It’s also nice to just be surrounded by people who understand the struggle of feeling creative, maintaining momentum, and fighting writer’s block. Some meetings we just spend talking about how hard it’s been to write or what we’re reading that’s inspiring us. Writing groups are social as well, and with creative writing being such a solitary endeavor, I encourage all of you to form trustworthy writing groups—if for no other reason than the companionship.

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